i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
