Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
