Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
