Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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