Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
smell my finger.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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