we're making bets on your personal life
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
