News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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