Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
