So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
