Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
