Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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