my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I will be naked everywhere
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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