I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
