The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
