allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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