"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize