I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
