i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
