you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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