I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize