sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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