I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tell her she can't have a vagina
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
