SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That was an excessively violent trivia night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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