Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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