So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
