Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
