remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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