Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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