Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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