My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
