in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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