I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
