I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You can't special order awesome
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
