I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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