I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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