like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
