At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
