Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
