Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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