I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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