I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
