how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
