Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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