Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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