i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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