saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
