A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
