I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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