I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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