I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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