He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
