Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
