college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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