He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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