Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
