i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm both gender and math confused
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
