Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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