some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
