Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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