i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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