Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
