I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
