i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
