i wish my penis had a tongue
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
