I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
