Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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