I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
