You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I want to have your abortion
i think i have herpe
just one?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize